What will our first meeting after decades apart be like? Will there be hugs, tears, fists, screaming? Perhaps your heart will remain hardened, unable to forgive, no one would blame you, really. After all...
Time has eroded our relationship. I've tried calls that go unanswered, letters that are not responded to, gifts that aren't acknowledged, prayers - unending prayers - that seemingly fall on deaf ears. Why would God answer MY prayers? After all...
You had a perfect childhood, you never knew want or need. I provided you all the things that I never had, stability and a world free of worry were yours. I was as flawed as any loving parent could be, but damn I tried. I wore many hats, disciplinarian, therapist, assistant, friend and protector. Perfect? Not even close. Once you worshiped the ground I walked on. Vague memories, glimpses of the past are too hard for you to relive. After all...
Your birthday and Father's Day are the hardest to deal with, one exists because of the other. The suffering starts about a week before, and ends the day after. Lost appetite, storm clouds envelop a foggy head, crying silently for our collective losses into my pillow, seeking solace from a concrete block wall that it just refuses to provide. I deserve this. After all...
I will never stop writing, calling or praying, I have faith that when you are ready you'll respond, God will direct you. I love you more than words can express. Don't let hate consume you.
Dad