by JT Logan (pen name)
jtlogan5170@gmail.com
SETTING: Standing behind a type of waist high console at STG R Center, ANGER, LOVE, and ESTEEM prepare for their body to wake up. On STG L, actors dressed in black (or utilize lighting so they appear as silhouettes) can portray certain scenes. Their faces should never been seen, but the same actor should portray Sondi, Rog, and Anthony.
LOVE - Okay, that neighbor dog can not be trusted anymore.
ANGER - We should have kicked it
LOVE - Anger, if we did that it would have bitten us harder.
ANGER - Then we would've kicked it harder.
ESTEEM - How are his dreams?
LOVE - Almost done. The memories are storing nicely.
ESTEEM - Keep the history stuff up front. We have a test today. (Anger/ Love groan)
LOVE - What about the dance, and Sondi?
ESTEEM - I've been working on it. We'll ask her out during lunch.
ANGER - Lunch?! Do it on the bus. That way...hey, we're waking up.
ESTEEM - His brother's are entering the bathroom, let's get some breakfast then get dressed.
LOVE - oh oh oh, Fried Bologna, Fried Bologna!
ESTEEM - With ketchup...
ANGER - and mayo
LOVE - Hey hey, there's some leftover tomatoes. (pause) And swiss cheese.
ANGER/ESTEEM - Perfect.
ESTEEM - Quick, they're coming downstairs. Slip through the dinning room. We can finish eating upstairs while we get dressed.
ANGER - Why? So what if they don't like fried bologna.
LOVE - You know how Glen complains. Come on, we need to keep Esteem positive. Once he asks Sondi to the dance, it will boost Esteem's confidence.
ANGER - If we really want to boost his confidence, we should have punched Anthony's lights out last week for calling us a-.
LOVE - Come on. You know we can't beat him.
ANGER - One cheap shot to the-
ESTEEM - Anger! You know we're better than that. Not to mention the whooping we'd get.
LOVE - From Anthony.
ESTEEM - From mom.
MOM VO: Who ever left that mess in the bathroom, I want it cleaned up. Now! (Anger, Love, Esteem all point at each other/hide behind counsel)
MOM VO: Glen! Get up here and pick up your dirty clothes.
(Esteem, Anger, Love reemerge)
ANGER - I wasn't worried.
ESTEEM - Mom's back. (Anger drops down/hides) Nope, not scared at all.
LOVE - Watch it, here comes Glen.
ANGER - What do you mean my fault? You're the one who left the toothpaste in the sink.
ESTEEM - Hey, the bus is here.
ANGER - This isn't over jerk.
LOVE - Anger, enough.
ANGER - Hey, he started it. And I'm one to finish it.
ESTEEM - Yeah, okay.
ANGER - What's that suppose to mean?
LOVE - Enough. Come on, we'll miss the bus; then mom will really yell. (pause) Hey, there's an empty bench. Quick, put our backpack there. We can save Sondi a seat.
ESTEEM - Yes, we can do this.
LOVE - (pause)I love this street. No matter what season it is, the trees look so lovely.
ESTEEM - oh, oh, oh, here's her house.
ANGER - (to Love, whispering loudly) What if she doesn't take the bus today?
LOVE - (shushes, gesturing to Esteem) Come on, we need this. Stay positive.
ANGER - Really? I'm being practical.
ESTEEM - (tapping, shaking Love/Anger enthusiastically) There she is! Wow... she...she looks...wow.
VOICES - (look love struck/in awe)
ESTEEM - (shaking Love) She's on the bus, say something. Invite her to sit with us.
ANGER - Don't blow this Love.
ESTEEM - You'll do fine. But, be cool. No, sophisticated, but sweet. (pause) No, be mysterious.
ANGER - Just tell her you like her...not like like her, but like like her.
LOVE - Ummm... Hey...hey there...umm, Sondi.
ANGER/ESTEEM - (groan)
SONDI VO: Hello. Can I join you?
VOICES: Holy crap it work. [musical, choir, interjection of 'Hallelujah']
ANGER - Move the bag, quick.
[Rog takes the seat, cutting Sondi off]
ROG VO: Hey.
VOICES - Rog?! (intermittened scorns. Increase as Sondi walks away)
ANGER - Thanks buddy. Now go jump off a bridge.
ESTEEM - Great. Now somebody else will ask her to the dance.
LOVE - Don't worry Esteem. If we don't catch her before class, we always see her at lunch. In fact, it's pizza day. She's always there on pizza day.
ANGER - (to Love) Pizza day? Today's not...
LOVE - (shushing him. whispering audiably, away from Esteem) We need this, Esteem needs this. Even if Sondi says no, we'll still be able to hang out with her at the dance, then we can still coach Esteem up to asking her to dance.
ANGER - (still whispering) And if not? We barely stopped Esteem last week with those pills.
LOVE - It'll work. It has to.
ESTEEM - Everything okay guys?
ANGER - Yeah, fine. Now, can we please thruttle Rog? We'll find a new friend.
ANTHONY VO: Hey dweeb. I saw that. I'm uploading that to Instagram.
ANGER - Shut up Anthony.
ESTEEM - Anger, no.
ANTHONY VO: What was that dork?
[ Panamanian punches Character panamanian]
ANGER - On second thought, let's throttle Anthony instead.
ESTEEM - Anger, let it go. Last time we fought back we got a swirly.
LOVE - While being held in place with an atomic wedgy. (Voices shiver/tremble in remembrance)
LOVE - There, see. The bus driver is sending him to his seat.
ANGER - Hey, we're here.
ESTEEM- Let's get off before Anthony does. (Love/Anger agree)
LOVE - Hey, look. Sondi's heading in early. Quick, we can catch her before her friends do.
ESTEEM - Hey, look at Anthony.
ANGER - He's texting. So what. (scoffs) The only joke there is he can hardly spell.
ESTEEM - Check Instagram.
LOVE - Esteem, no. You know that all he does is post stupid, mean, things. (shoves Anger, gesturing)
ANGER - Oh, yeah, come on. Let's catch up with Sondi.
ESTEEM - (pause as scan texts on phone) God, please don't post anything. (pause) I don't see any posts. Maybe he didn't.
ANGER - It's Anthony. When doesn't he? (is shoved by Love)
LOVE - Hey, look. A kitty video.
VOICES - (adoringly) Awww....
LOVE - Look! Sondi texted something. She's talking about the dance.
ESTEEM - Is she saying who she's going with yet?
LOVE - I'm looking, hold on.
ANGER - Hey, another cat video.
VOICES - (adoringly) Awww.....
LOVE - No, she's....its about some song she heard.
ESTEEM - Respond to it. Put in some music references that she likes.
LOVE - Yeah, good idea. (Love & Anger clap five behind Esteem's back)
[bell sounds]
ESTEEM - Hey, we're gonna be late for history class.
ESTEEM - (pause) okay, History. We got this. Yeah, we got this test.
ANGER - Hey, who's that?
ESTEEM - Must be a substitute.
LOVE - Guys, look at the board.
VOICES - Review day!
ESTEEM - That leaves us more time to study.
ANGER - (sarcastically) Yeah, that'll help us pass it.
VO: Take you seats. (pause) Now, during the Vietnam War, as President, Nixon's played several roles....
VOICES - (staring ahead, yawning, fighting to stay awake)
LOVE - We know this stuff right?
ESTEEM - (shaking head) Yeah, of course.
ANGER - It's just review.
LOVE - For what again?
ESTEEM - Our test tomorrow
ANGER - Right. Should we be taking notes?
ESTEEM - (nodding) Naw, we got it.
[all fall over asleep. Teacher slaps desk]
ESTEEM - What?
LOVE - Quick, he wants a history answer.
ESTEEM - Hah, what? Oh, umm... hydrogen, oxygen...no...two hydrogens...
ANGER - History!
ESTEEN - Oh, umm...the square root of 16 is 4.
ANGER - History, history!
ESTEEM - Umm, umm, Columbus shot Abraham on the Grassy Knoll.
LOVE - (slaps forehead) Perfect.
ESTEEM - We got his. (Love and Anger groan)
[bell sounds]
ESTEEM - Math class! Yes!
VOICES - (deep affection) Good morning Mrs. Beard.
LOVE - Hey, (squinting at something) what does that say? Who wrote that on the board?
ANGER - You can read that? I thought it was a doodle.
ESTEEM - (working problem on paper) That's today's math problem challenge.
ANGER - When did we cover that?
ESTEEM - Anger, relax.
LOVE - Mrs. Beard wants an answer.
ANGER - Stall.
ESTEEM - (looking over figures) That can't be right.
ANGER - Guess. She's looking us.
ESTEEM - (2+1) + (4 / 1) equals...umm 9? (pause) 6? Are you sure Mrs. Beard?
ANGER - Shut up. Have you lost your mind? Do the class assignment.
ESTEEM - Right, sorry.
ANGER - (long pause) I'm hungry, When's lunch?
LOVE - Next period. We got about five minutes.
ANGER - Five minutes?! We still have 100 problems to solve.
ESTEEM - We're not doing the whole thing.
ANGER - What?
ESTEEM - We've been done. We're doing the extra credit section.
[bell sounds]
LOVE - Quick, let's get to the cafe and hold a seat for Sondi.
ANGER - We should have fried a second piece of Bologna.
ESTEEM - We cooked three.
ANGER - No. I mean a second sandwich. (pause) Hey, there's an empty table.
ESTEEM - Do you see her yet?
LOVE - Not yet. We got down here pretty quick. (pause) There she is.
ESTEEM - Quick, quick, get her attention. Don't let anybody take the seat.
ANGER - I'll kill the person who does.
LOVE - Relax, she sees us. (pause) Hey, she's signaling for us to save the seat.
ESTEEM - Really?! Maybe she wants to ask us to the dance. What if we say no?
LOVE/ANGER - What?!
ANGER - Esteem, be serious.
ESTEEM - You're right. I'm being...holy crap, she's sitting down.
SONDI VO: Hi. I'm wanted to ask you something.
VOICES - Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
SONDI VO: Did you see that post Anthony put up, because it's not true.
ESTEEM - Say what?!
ANGER - I'll kill him.
LOVE - Focus guys, we still have our chance here.
ESTEEM - What is she talking about? Check Instagram. (Love/Anger try to discourage) We have to know what's being said about us.
ESTEEM - (mumbling as scans texts) Here it is...what?!
LOVE - Esteem, it's not true. Anthony posted that about Sondi. That in itself should be evidence enough.
ANGER - Yeah, that's why Sondi came to us, to ensure us that she did not say that about us.
ESTEEM - But, but what if she did say it. And now she's only saying this...
LOVE - No, not Sondi. She would never say that. Come on, she's not that kind of person.
ESTEEM - (unsure) Well, okay.
LOVE - Come on, nows our chance to ask her out.
ANGER - Unless we're interrupted again. (Love stumps on Anger's foot, leaving him hopping about)
LOVE - Quick, before our friends show up.
ESTEEM - Okay, here it goes. Umm..Sondi. Will you....
ROG VOICE VO: Hey guys.
LOVE - Are you kidding me!?
ANGER - I told you we should have throttled him.
LOVE - Noted. Esteem, we can still do this. Jeeze, Rog. Stop talking already.
ESTEEM - He's asking about the dance. We can ask her. (Love/Anger agree, encourage Esteem to do it) Umm...Sondi. Are you going? (pause) She is.
ANGER - Of course she is. (Love stumps his foot again)
ESTEEM - Would you like to...umm...go with me? (Love throws hands up in victory)
SONDI VO: Well, I'm going with some friends. But, you can join us.
ESTEEM - Yeah...yes...sure. That...that...that would be totally extra.
[bell sounds]
LOVE - We'll see you later. (claps five, celebrates with others) What's next?
ESTEEM - (dreed in voice) Gym.
LOVE - Okay, we know the drill. Hurry the locker room. Chang before Anthony gets there, and back up to the gym floor.
ANGER - Remember to watch for Arvice. He likes to hang out by the stairs and spit on people as they head down.
ESTEEM - And throw gum at people. That jerk. I still say we should have just had mom get it out of our hair. We messed up our hair by cutting it out.
LOVE - We look fine. No one's noticed.
ESTEEM - Come on. I don't want to get stuck changing next to that on kid again. (pause) Okay, Arvice isn't there. (pause) We beat Anthony. (pause) We look fat.
ANGER - We look fine. Quit fusing. Let's just get upstairs. We can shoot some hoops before the coach starts. (pause) Yes! Three points. (to Love) In your face.
LOVE - Yeah yeah, lucky shot. Hey, the gym teachers ready. Get in our spot.
ANGER - I got it. (pause) Since when is a X-Marine a qualified phys ed teacher?
ARNOLD S. IMPERSONATION VO: Class, drop and give me 20.
VOICES: (hit floor, do push ups)
ESTEEM - Hey, Anthony only did 4
ANGER - (straining) What are we on?
LOVE - (straining) Ten. (pause) Keep pushing (pause) And 20.
ESTEEM - Wow, we did it. (pause) Rope climbing?! Oh man...
ANGER - We can do it. Coach only has us go halfway.
LOVE - Hey! Let's go to the top. Sondi is sure to hear about it and-
ESTEEM - I don't know.
ANGER - Oh, and when we do it, we can lull it over Anthony's head.
ESTEEM - I don't want to cause any conflicts. I do like the idea of impressing Sondi though. Let's do it.
LOVE - (pause) Hey, we're next. Remember to pace ourself.
ANGER - Hurry up, our arms are getting tired. (pause) Careful...hey, we're slipping!
VOICES - (cringe, all exclaim sounds of pain from hitting floor)
ESTEEM - Oww.. who's idea was this again? (pause) Aw man, Anthony's was recording us.
ANGER - What? I'll kill him.
LOVE - Come on, gyms over. Let's get changed.
ANGER - I say we go and force Anthony to erase that video from the Web.
ESTEEM - Before or after he pulls our underwear over our head? Now hush, I'm trying to open our locker. (pause) Why isn't this thing working?
LOVE - This is Tonya's locker. You're entering the wrong combination.
ESTEEM - I knew that. There. What's next?
LOVE - Study hall.
ESTEEM - Good. I'm tired. Let's skip school. The teacher never takes attendance, and Mr. Hass is helping set up for the dance, so our ninth period band practice is likely cancelled.
LOVE - That's it! (pushes way forward)
ESTEEM - Hey, where are you taking us?
LOVE - To the band room. Sondi should be there. We can hang out; and ask her out.
ANGER - She already said she'll hang out with us at the dance.
LOVE - Yes, but I mean ask her out.
ESTEEM - Like ask ask? As in out out? Like...boyfriend girlfriend out out? Ohh.. no no no no... We...I...no no no no...
LOVE - We can do this. (pause) Okay, there she is. And, she's alone. Let's do it.
ESTEEM - Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. (pause) Ummm....Hey Sondi. How's it going? (pause) I wanted to ask if...ummm (Love encourages enthusiastically, Anger praying silently), if you will...
ROG VO: Hey guys.
LOVE - Again? Seriously?!
ANGER - Again, we should have throttled him.
LOVE - Too many witnesses, but noted.
ESTEEM - Hang on, he's showing us something. Anthony blogged about us again. (pause) Oh God, there's a video too.
LOVE - Another kitty video?
ANGER - (eager) Let me see.
ESTEEM - No, it's of us falling off the rope. It already has ten views. We're dead. (sits on floor, knees pulled up)
LOVE - Esteem, come on. Anthony is an idiot. We'll be okay. (pause) Hey! Look, here's a cat video.
ANGER/LOVE - Awww (see Esteem still on floor)
LOVE - Esteem, come on. We can't give up.
ANGER - Hey, Pay attention. Rog is saying something. (pause) He wants us to hang out with him till the dance starts.
ESTEEM - I don't think I want to go anymore. Let's just go home.
LOVE - Sondi said she'll stay if we are.
ESTEEM - (overly eager) But we can take a nap later.
LOVE - That's the spirit. (pause) Umm...Esteem...say something.
ESTEEM - Like what? I can't think of anything.
LOVE - Just respond naturally to whatever she says. (pause) There! She's talking about music she use to listen to.
ESTEEM - Oh, I know just what to say. (clears throat) I use to watch Barney.
ANGER - What? What does that have to do with music?
ESTEEM - The theme song. We use to sing it.
ANGER - When we were five! (pause) And now she's laughing at us. Great.
LOVE - Wait. She thinks it was a joke. That was close. Esteem, think before you speak. We can't blow this.
ESTEEM - (uncertain, nervous) Right, right. Yeah. (pause) I think that show is cool too. (pause) Yeah, totally. Their music is way better.
ANGER - (long pause) Man, that was brutal. Come on, the dance is starting.
[Pantomine portray dance]
LOVE - Wow, the cheerleaders did a good job with the decorations.
[song Material Girl comes on]
ANGER - Oh God no, stop him. (Love starts to sing/dance along, dodging Anger and Esteem. Two finally tackle him)
ESTEEM - Did anybody see us.
ANGER - Just everybody! (pause) And Sondi is laughing, that's just great Love. Nice going.
ESTEEM - At us?
ANGER - Of course, what do you think.
LOVE - No she's not. She's smiling at us. See, we shouldn't be so self-conscious...holy crap she wants to dance with us. Awh awh awh...what do we do?
ANGER - Say yes, nod, take her hand, bow, grovel...just do something!
LOVE - Right. (pause) Wow, she smells nice. Hey, we're pretty good at this. This is fun.
ANGER - Now if she just quit stepping on our toes....
LOVE - I don't care if she steps on our kidneys. (pause) Hey Esteem, let's kiss her.
ESTEEM - (bashful) No, I...I...I couldn't. I mean, do you think...would she...maybe?
ANGER - Can we have that in english please?
LOVE - Yeah, I think she would. Let's do it. (guides Esteem to controls/in front) You can do this.
ESTEEM - Okay, here it goes. Oh no...
VOIVES - (they sneeze) Oh crap.
ANGER - Quick, get her a hanky or something.
ESTEEM - We're dead.
LOVE - It'll be all right.
ANGER - All right? Look at the size of that luggie. The thing has its own zip-code.
ESTEEM - I...I...I can't take this.
LOVE - Where are you taking us?
ESTEEM - Where we should have gone in the first place.
[Here the representation is that of a deep depression with Esteem in control; shutting out Love and Anger]
LOVE - (approaching Esteem) Esteem, come on. It's been hours. Put the phone down. Please. Those Tweets mean nothing. (quickly withdraws as Esteem waves him off)
ANGER - (approaching Esteem) Yeah, look. Sondi hasn't posted a single thing; none of our friends have. (quickly withdraws as Esteem waves him off)
ESTEEM - (whispering audibly) They all hate me. She hates me. What's the point.
LOVE [lights go out] - Esteem, what are you...
ANGER/LOVE - Esteem, no!
[gunshot is heard]
CURTAIN
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