June 4, 2020: Inmate Q. Public's expanding waistline

Inmate Q. Public's expanding waistline.

So, did you gain a few pounds from Covid related gluttony and now have to deal with the 'Quarantine Fifteen'. Did you overeat and sit on your duff for the past three months? Recently, Uncle Mikey said it was OK to leave the house again and re-opened your gyms, now you're on the way to being svelte and lithe, just as you were pre-Covid! Our mutual friend, Inmate Q. Public, shared his weight fluctuation challenges with me recently as we enjoyed a delightful carb-forward brunch -

"Ever experienced the 'Bored Off My Ass Twenty' or the 'Crap, My Fat Boy Stretchy Pants In The Back Of My Closet Ain't Up To The Job No More Twenty five?' I have. The past months I have done nothing but eat and sit, sit and eat. For awhile, all of my meals were delivered to me. One day, we were permitted to walk to the Vomitorium to pick up our meals. We were all so happy bringing our meals back to the Lock!

The cuisine included bologna (referred to as 'sweat meat' because of the odd milky bubbles that form on it), potato chips, translucent white bread, sponge apples, over-ripe bananas that were liquid or so green that they made excellent tympani mallets, and something described as pasta salad."

*Inmate wants me to stress that he isn't complaining and wants to thank the taxpayers of Ohio for their efforts!

Inmate continues - "Recently we have started eating in the Vomitorium and have had more outdoor recreation time; it's so nice to see our friends from other locks! No longer do we have to eat and sit, sit and eat, we can go outside and walk some laps or workout on the dip and pull up bars!"

The combination of warm weather and guys being sweaty from exercise always leads to shirts being taken off.

Inmate shares - "Yeah, so, we all take our shirts off because of the heat, and witness the effects that eat and sit, sit and eat has had on the bellies of our comrades. Whooo! Looking around all I saw was a bunch of pre-hibernation brown and white bears, plump and ready for a Winter's nap! Of course, guys being guys rib each other about their weight gain and glare at the few who have hummingbird metabolism and didn't gain an ounce."

We hope that Covid doesn't rear its ugly head for a second round of Hell. Enduring another cycle of eating nothing but carbs and processed EVERYTHING isn't healthy, and will lead to future medical issues such as diabetes. Please, ODRC, find someway to incorporate fresh food and protein into our diets. Paying a little money now for decent food will certainly save money in the long term with chronic care expenses.